sjeni

last year i have also forgiven my father (it took me 19 years? maybe if i had psychological support i would have done it before but who knows) 


now i am reading a little bit of Perdonare by derrida and it’s written here: when you forgive, you accept and overcome your suffering. 

it’s very liberating 

it took me a whole week, but i forgive paolo. i accept his limit, i am not angry anymore

ora basta scrivere in inglese, dai. comunque vorrei avere degli interlocutori cioè (fa brutto dire.. vorrei parlare con… qlcn?) parlo con un sacco di persone tutto il giorno (ovviamente tutte fake interazioni! non sopporto più nessuno!) e nel frattempo gestisco conversazioni lunghissime da sola ma vorrei avere un confronto perchè sento che sbaglio sempre iter di pensiero cioè vorrei avere un dialogo guidato da qualcun altro perchè io poi ripercorro sempre gli stessi sentieri autonarrativi e fa schifo. al contempo ho paura che non so sostenere queste conversazioni e quindi un po’ le cerco….un po’ le scanso….. cioè HeLp……. ho iniziato a parlare con mia madre dalla disperazione aiuto

btw i miss riding a scooter. when i’ll be rich i want to buy one because i am a real neapolitan girl 

breakup is a pendulum that swings between ‘i was too stupid for the last guy i dated’ and ‘of course i was too much for that dumb ass’ 


by the way i am slowly healing from this situation but i hate paolo everyday more and more and more, the more i think about our relationship through the year the more i realize how selfish and immature he was.. like damn bitch, you really live like this? i am like wtf everyday 

but of course i did dreamt of paolo this night too, this time we were at a concert and when i saw him i started flying upstairs and downstairs the building. then i puked under a chair 

it’s such a shame that i stopped making videos of my sylvanian family toys… :( 
i found their presence really interesting

yes that’s a part of what i dreamt: in a toy farm of toy smiling frogs there was a sad toy kitten half hidden. a group of soviet pleasant said: no kittens in the frogs farm!

no kittens in the frogs farm